Relationsh@.
The weekly blog about our podcast, Relationsh!t.
Relationsh!t Podcast co-host, Tony Critelli, writes about the week’s topic and gives us all some much-needed insight and perspective as it relates to relationship goals and efforts.
Church Sh!t
This week, we talked about church and our relationship with it. Many of us have a rough history with places of worship and the leaders, who (unfortunately) all too often did not treat us as part of the group they were trying to share faith with. We were not saved. We were not among the flock. We were not welcome. For so many of us, we were not welcome. We were hurt. We were denied access to our source.
This week, we talked about church and our relationship with it. Many of us have a rough history with places of worship and the leaders, who (unfortunately) all too often did not treat us as part of the group they were trying to share faith with. We were not saved. We were not among the flock. We were not welcome. For so many of us, we were not welcome. We were hurt. We were denied access to our source.
We hope that our conversation with a pastor this week helped to heal some of the hurt a lot of us have experienced. The honesty and the laughter were cathartic for me. A welcoming tone as a salve provided some peace to a tumultuous topic. At least it did for me. What did you think, listeners? Did this help the hurt? We would love to hear from you.
Travel Sh!t
This week, we talked about traveling, the proper way to prepare for trips, and our top ten items that must be brought on any vacation. Marko and I are feeling reflective as we prepare for our journey to Greece, the first of many trips to be sure. I mentioned on the podcast how I was surprised by the amount of planning that Marko did. It should be fun to see how all of this plays out, not just on this trip but also on the future ones overall. Who would have thought that Marko would be more of a planner than me? Did not see that coming… :)
This week, we talked about traveling, the proper way to prepare for trips, and our top ten items that must be brought on any vacation. Marko and I are feeling reflective as we prepare for our journey to Greece, the first of many trips to be sure. I mentioned on the podcast how I was surprised by the amount of planning that Marko did. It should be fun to see how all of this plays out, not just on this trip but also on the future ones overall. Who would have thought that Marko would be more of a planner than me? Did not see that coming… :)
Flirty Sh!t
This week, we talked about making a sexy mixtape (or a playlist for having sex to, if you don’t come from the age of using actual tapes to record and play music!). We ran through the dos and don’ts of making a thoughtful and effective soundtrack for getting down. Are you going to include some songs that you know your partner will like? Can you build slow intro for making out, up the tempo for the actual act, and include a song or two for the cool down?
This week, we talked about the difficult art of flirting. I don’t consider myself particularly good at flirting and I definitely do not know when someone is flirting with me. Although it is not a skill I necessarily need to hone anymore, it is something that I wish I had gotten better at. Being able to flirt is like being able to tell a great joke: it is a specific, useful skill. Guess I’ll just have to test out my abilities on my husband ;)
What about you, listeners? Are you good at flirting? Are you receptive when someone flirts with you? We’d love to hear about your experience…and your best pick-up lines!
Mixtape Sh!t
This week, we talked about making a sexy mixtape (or a playlist for having sex to, if you don’t come from the age of using actual tapes to record and play music!). We ran through the dos and don’ts of making a thoughtful and effective soundtrack for getting down. Are you going to include some songs that you know your partner will like? Can you build slow intro for making out, up the tempo for the actual act, and include a song or two for the cool down?
This week, we talked about making a sexy mixtape (or a playlist for having sex to, if you don’t come from the age of using actual tapes to record and play music!). We ran through the dos and don’ts of making a thoughtful and effective soundtrack for getting down. Are you going to include some songs that you know your partner will like? Can you build slow intro for making out, up the tempo for the actual act, and include a song or two for the cool down?
Don’t forget that we challenged each of you to submit your sexy time playlist (since you can’t mail us a physical copy of the mixtape). You need to come up with around ten songs, paying specific attention to the order. Then, we would love to know who you are using this for: is it a long-term partner, a setup for the next fling, or sexy time alone? We would also love to hear some of the rationales for the choices. You can send your list in response to this posting or you can email it to us (relationshitquestions@gmail.com). Looking forward to listening!
Libido Sh!t
This week, we talked about what to do when your libido doesn’t match that of your partner. It can be endlessly frustrating not to get sex as often as you like it. But did you know that it is equally (if not more) upsetting to feel like your partner only wants you for sex? I found this week’s conversation to be enlightening in that we clearly identified our issue is not a difference in our libidos. Rather, it is a challenge rooted in our approach.
This week, we talked about what to do when your libido doesn’t match that of your partner. It can be endlessly frustrating not to get sex as often as you like it. But did you know that it is equally (if not more) upsetting to feel like your partner only wants you for sex? I found this week’s conversation to be enlightening in that we clearly identified our issue is not a difference in our libidos. Rather, it is a challenge rooted in our approach.
I thought that the articles were really helpful and I will definitely be putting some of the stuff to good use. I was especially happy to hear Marko say that he had a bit of a revelation and was going to shift his thinking too. I always enjoy it more when we both learn something during the podcast. It just goes to show that, even after many years of being together, we both can still learn, do, and be better. Hope that you join us on that journey.
Exes Sh!t
This week, we talked about the role and scope that one’s ex-significant others should play in your life, especially when you are in a relationship. I found revisiting this topic to be especially interesting, as my stance on the issue has totally changed since last Marko and I talked about it. I had been the person who believed that you could remain friends with someone you dated, no matter how the relationship ended, how long it had been, or whether they were in a serious relationship themselves now.
This week, we talked about the role and scope that one’s ex-significant others should play in your life, especially when you are in a relationship. I found revisiting this topic to be especially interesting, as my stance on the issue has totally changed since last Marko and I talked about it. I had been the person who believed that you could remain friends with someone you dated, no matter how the relationship ended, how long it had been, or whether they were in a serious relationship themselves now.
It was a wonderful and unique experience to share with each of you the discussion Marko and I had, as a whole new stance on the situation just fell out of my mouth! What do you all think about this particular topic? Are you friends with an ex? How do you manage to balance that out when you are casually dating or seriously involved with someone? We would love to hear from you!
Support Sh!t
This week, we talked about being a supportive person to your partner. Were you all as surprised as we were to discover that we had not been supporting one another the way that each of us actually needs? I know that I was floored. Marko and I so often are spinning our wheels, expending massive amounts of energy trying to do what we think is right, only to discover that we have wasted much of our effort doing things that do not matter to the other person. Do you ever feel like you are doing this?
This week, we talked about being a supportive person to your partner. Were you all as surprised as we were to discover that we had not been supporting one another the way that each of us actually needs? I know that I was floored. Marko and I so often are spinning our wheels, expending massive amounts of energy trying to do what we think is right, only to discover that we have wasted much of our effort doing things that do not matter to the other person. Do you ever feel like you are doing this?
I liked how we used the love languages piece to tie all of this together. I know that I will work harder on my acts of service, rather than doing what I think Marko actually wants. We just had some guests over for the weekend and I have stripped the bed, done three loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, picked up around the apartment, walked the dog, and cleaned out the cat litter so that Marko can come home and work on some social media stuff. Let’s see if he finds that more supportive! I hope so: if not, its back to asking what he needs and doing exactly that.
Boredom Sh!t
This week, we talked about boredom. We made the distinction between feeling safe (which is a good thing) and being bored (which is not such a good thing!). Having covered that little but important detail, we dove into this topic. A topic which, I am sure, is something a lot of us can identify with. If you aren’t feeling excited about your relationship anymore and don’t know why, there were some helpful ways to recognize that boredom may be what’s going on for you.
This week, we talked about boredom. We made the distinction between feeling safe (which is a good thing) and being bored (which is not such a good thing!). Having covered that little but important detail, we dove into this topic. A topic which, I am sure, is something a lot of us can identify with. If you aren’t feeling excited about your relationship anymore and don’t know why, there were some helpful ways to recognize that boredom may be what’s going on for you.
My personal takeaway was the two common factors that contribute to boredom: lack of stimulation and lack of novelty. Seemed simple enough to me but I found it to be personally quite profound. I am going to challenge myself to find something for Marko and me to do each week. When I think I have a good activity identified, I will ask myself if what I’m thinking of is stimulating and novel. As Marko pointed out, walks around the neighborhood do not do it for him but walks in other areas do. I think that’s an easy one to start with! What will you and your partner do this week?
Slow Down Sh!t
This week, we talked about slowing down. What is it about our current society that makes us want to hurry up and wait? Or hurry up and be there? What happened to enjoy the journey? Where did our sense of wonder and our palette of presence go? We are in such a rush to put ourselves and what we are doing under labels or within boxes that we forget that the true joy is in the moment, not the momentum.
This week, we talked about slowing down. What is it about our current society that makes us want to hurry up and wait? Or hurry up and be there? What happened to enjoy the journey? Where did our sense of wonder and our palette of presence go? We are in such a rush to put ourselves and what we are doing under labels or within boxes that we forget that the true joy is in the moment, not the momentum.
We urge you to slow down. To take in the space you are occupying, that you are bypassing, that you will never see again. Do not be in a rush to get where you think you should be. Do not speed hurridly to the space you are supposed to see at 35. Just be. Just be you. Just be with your other. And forget all the ‘shoulda woulda coulda’ and the ‘oughtas’ too while you are at it. We are each exactly where we are meant to be. And there is no need to rush.
Same Sh!t
This week, we talked about the common experience of having the same argument, over and over. Marko and I often disagree when it comes to this topic. Marko believes that a partner should put forth every effort to make changes in the name of their loved one. I believe that there are fundamental aspects to a person that may never change. For me, it isn’t about refusing to compromise or being staunchly unrelenting on an issue; it is about having worked very hard to become the person you wanted to be and having certain things that are personally invaluable.
This week, we talked about the common experience of having the same argument, over and over. Marko and I often disagree when it comes to this topic. Marko believes that a partner should put forth every effort to make changes in the name of their loved one. I believe that there are fundamental aspects to a person that may never change. For me, it isn’t about refusing to compromise or being staunchly unrelenting on an issue; it is about having worked very hard to become the person you wanted to be and having certain things that are personally invaluable.
Regardless of which side of the debate you fall, I think we can all agree that we don’t like the idea of having the same argument for the rest of our lives! We hope that the articles we shared help you to develop the skills needed to dismantle some of these patterns. I know that there are several new approaches that I am willing to try. And I’m open to the pleasant surprise of discovering that perhaps, one day, we will fight about something else. Or perhaps, nothing at all. Wouldn’t that be something?!
Tit-for-Tat Sh!t
This week, we talked about the all-too-familiar vicious cycle of reprisal; the dysfunction of retribution and vengence: tit-for-tat. We talked about tons of skills that you can use to break this cycle and liberate your relationship. I loved the helpful reminders: that you are not responsible for how your partner acted out, focusing on working on yourself, engaging in self-talk to give yourself grace, validating your negative emotions in response to what your partner is doing, pausing to ensure you respond (rather than reacting), and focusing on acceptance.
This week, we talked about the all-too-familiar vicious cycle of reprisal; the dysfunction of retribution and vengence: tit-for-tat. We talked about tons of skills that you can use to break this cycle and liberate your relationship. I loved the helpful reminders: that you are not responsible for how your partner acted out, focusing on working on yourself, engaging in self-talk to give yourself grace, validating your negative emotions in response to what your partner is doing, pausing to ensure you respond (rather than reacting), and focusing on acceptance.
Marko and I find ourselves in this pattern and have for most of our relationship. I’d say we have learned quite a bit on this and are doing better than we had before; however, we still have a long, long way to go. We just aren’t listening to each other, which makes our behaviors look the same and the transcripts for the fight are nothing more than two-way monologues. We have got to do better. I know that I’ll take a few things from this article and apply them to my retrospection for the week.
News Sh!t
This week, we discussed some major newsworthy events that took place while we were on our break. It isn’t very often that I get to hear about things going on in the news and that is entirely by choice. It is a decision I made many years ago for my mental wellbeing. I revisit this resolution from time to time but every few years, when I switch on the news for a couple of days, trying out different channels, I still see the same thing: a flagrant misuse of the platform, a conscious focus on the negative and sensational, and a near-complete absence of anything positive.
This week, we discussed some major newsworthy events that took place while we were on our break. It isn’t very often that I get to hear about things going on in the news and that is entirely by choice. It is a decision I made many years ago for my mental wellbeing. I revisit this resolution from time to time but every few years, when I switch on the news for a couple of days, trying out different channels, I still see the same thing: a flagrant misuse of the platform, a conscious focus on the negative and sensational, and a near-complete absence of anything positive.
Good things are happening in your community and around the world every day. For me, I like to look at those things, rather than a curated product that, quite frankly, I’ve never found to be unbiased regardless of the source. I identify as much more liberal but I’d like to just have the facts when it comes to what is happening out there. I did enjoy talking with my husband about the goings on across this great globe of ours…but I think it will a while before I hit the newsstand again :)
Chores Sh!t
This week, we revisited our favorite Listener Sh!tuations from the season. We want to thank each of you who wrote in and give a special thanks to those who called in for our guidance. I must admit that this is one of my favorite segments. Both Marko and I really enjoy discussing what we would do if we were in your situations. Although we almost never agree on what you should do :)
This week, we revisited the topic of the chore wars, with a new spin: we focused more on the skills you’ll need as a partner in order to end the conflict. Whether it is through clearly identifying who is responsible for which chore or thinking and feeling through what you are communicating by cleaning up after your partner, the articles we read and the discussion we had were ones that I would consider fundamental to a successful relationship. At least one where cohabitation is the plan.
As you, our listeners, all know, Marko and I never had this issue. Not really. Its not like we have never had an argument over the dishes or felt frustrated by chores not being completed. Rather, we don’t let it affect our relationship strongly. We have a good division of labor that works well for us: I do the shopping and cooking, take care of the litter box, handle the trash and the recycling, and make sure the bills get paid. He dusts and scrubs and polishes everything. He starts the laundry, I fold and put it away. It works for us. What works for you and your partner(s)? We would love to hear from you!
Best Interviews Sh!t
This week, we revisited our favorite Listener Sh!tuations from the season. We want to thank each of you who wrote in and give a special thanks to those who called in for our guidance. I must admit that this is one of my favorite segments. Both Marko and I really enjoy discussing what we would do if we were in your situations. Although we almost never agree on what you should do :)
This week, we revisited our favorite interviews from 2021. This was such a great year and we met so many incredible people. It is hands down the best part of doing the podcast: meeting all of you and bringing examples to the limelight. It is literally the lifeblood of why we do this. Well, that and reaching each of you :)
We hope that you enjoyed the individuals that we brought to your attention. We would love it if you sent some more our way. We are always trying to highlight people or couples in a meaningful way…and what could be better than someone that is meaningful to you?! Please send your suggestions to relationshitquesitons@gmail.com or tag us in a photo on social media. We want you to own this podcast; to shape and influence it; to listen to exactly what you want to hear or scroll through exactly what you want to see when you come to the website or browse social media. It is time, listeners: join us in making this all about your experience! We love you and can’t wait to do even more for you.
Listener Sh!t
This week, we revisited our favorite Listener Sh!tuations from the season. We want to thank each of you who wrote in and give a special thanks to those who called in for our guidance. I must admit that this is one of my favorite segments. Both Marko and I really enjoy discussing what we would do if we were in your situations. Although we almost never agree on what you should do :)
This week, we revisited our favorite Listener Sh!tuations from the season. We want to thank each of you who wrote in and give a special thanks to those who called in for our guidance. I must admit that this is one of my favorite segments. Both Marko and I really enjoy discussing what we would do if we were in your situations. Although we almost never agree on what you should do :)
I’m really looking forward to next year and the topics we can help each of you with. I hope that more of you will call—we really enjoy hearing from you. We share our voices every week but would love nothing more than to hear yours at least once. Call us at 903-POD-SHIT. That’s 903-763-7448. Give us a call.
Caretaking Sh!t
This week, we talked about taking care of your partner. Do you think that you are good at taking care of the person that you are with? Do you find yourself doing what you think you should do or do you seek out what your partner actually wants? It can be challenging to watch your partner get sick but it can be even more difficult to give them what they actually need.
This week, we talked about taking care of your partner. Do you think that you are good at taking care of the person that you are with? Do you find yourself doing what you think you should do or do you seek out what your partner actually wants? It can be challenging to watch your partner get sick but it can be even more difficult to give them what they actually need.
Is it a bowl of soup? A favorite movie? Or a quick tussle in the sheets? :) Have you asked your partner what would actually make them feel better? Everyone is different and, like any other aspect of being with another person, communication is key.
Gift-Giving Sh!t
This week, we talked about the very difficult task of giving gifts to someone you are dating or married to. For some, the gift-giving gene is inherent; for others, it is an annual struggle to find the perfect gift (or even just a passable present) for that special someone. Why are some people savvy at shopping while the rest of us are poor at purchasing?
This week, we talked about the very difficult task of giving gifts to someone you are dating or married to. For some, the gift-giving gene is inherent; for others, it is an annual struggle to find the perfect gift (or even just a passable present) for that special someone. Why are some people savvy at shopping while the rest of us are poor at purchasing?
I’ve always known that my gifts are decent but rarely great. I try to be thoughtful and keep a keen eye out for that perfect present year-round. My engagement with capitalism, however, is well below average and I don’t often find myself in a store or even window shop. The episode and the articles had some excellent pointers that really made me stop and think. Perhaps I should look at the year’s best gifts if only to get some ideas. Maybe a bit of sleuthing is the way to go: I know he already likes the things that he has. Regardless of which of the many tactics we went over I end up choosing, one thing is for certain: I definitely need some help. Am I the only one? Let me know if you share my struggle.
Critelli Crap
Have y’all listened to the segment of our podcast where we pretend that our actual relationship woes are treated like emails/calls from listeners? If you haven’t (because it is paid content) then you are missing out. But its worth the money :) This week, we posted a little taste for you to sample. We hope that it inspires you to donate to the podcast. Just saying LOL
Have y’all listened to the segment of our podcast where we pretend that our actual relationship woes are treated like emails/calls from listeners? If you haven’t (because it is paid content) then you are missing out. But its worth the money :) This week, we posted a little taste for you to sample. We hope that it inspires you to donate to the podcast. Just saying LOL
Size Sh!t
Big dicks aren’t any good unless you know how to use them. Small things can be incredibly amazing. Like this short blog. Happy Thanksgiving :)
Big dicks aren’t any good unless you know how to use them. Small things can be incredibly amazing. Like this short blog. Happy Thanksgiving :) Gobble gobble…regardless of the size LOL
Cheating Sh!t
This week, we talked about cheating in a committed relationship. Personally, I think of cheating as a symptom, not a disease. Couples can often find themselves in an unhealthy pattern that leads one of them to stray. Whether that is poor communication, a lessening of intimacy, holding a grudge, harboring thoughts and feelings that are toxic, or fearing ‘being the bad guy’ and ending something that has run its course. In my opinion, people cheat because they are expressing something that they could not or did not know how to express in any other way.
This week, we talked about cheating in a committed relationship. Personally, I think of cheating as a symptom, not a disease. Couples can often find themselves in an unhealthy pattern that leads one of them to stray. Whether that is poor communication, a lessening of intimacy, holding a grudge, harboring thoughts and feelings that are toxic, or fearing ‘being the bad guy’ and ending something that has run its course. In my opinion, people cheat because they are expressing something that they could not or did not know how to express in any other way.
That does not make it okay. Cheating, however you define it, is not acceptable behavior. It hurts. Sometimes so much that you cannot forgive the partner for what they did. And, as I always say, there are way too many steps to ‘accidentally’ cheat on someone. It means something if you did. The question is, do you want to do the work and try to save a relationship, or is the action so unforgivable that you have no choice but to end things. There is no right or wrong answer. You have to decide that for yourselves. I hope that you never experience this.