7-Year Itch Sh!t

This week, we talked about that oft-cited (but empirically questionable) concept of the seven-year itch. Do you believe that this is actually a thing? There is much debate around the subject. For me, being an empirical person, I have so many questions. When does the clock counter start: when you begin dating, when you move in together, or when you are married? Is there a difference between heterosexual and homosexual couples? Does it matter if you dated for years before being married? What if you were married, divorced, and the married again? Does the ‘itch’ return?

Marko and I discussed this phenomenon and (on Patreon) ways that you can combat it. What did you think of the conversation? Is this topic worth exploring? Do your experiences lead you to believe that it is true or false? Are there techniques that we failed to mention? So many questions, so little time ;) We’d love to hear from you! Write, call, comment here, or voice memo us your thoughts on this topic. Let the discussion continue!

Am I Sexy Still Sh!t

This week, we talked about whether you still find your partner sexy, even after a long time. We also talked about how to bring your sexy back if it is lost ;) If you have been in a long-term relationship, do you still find your partner sexy? Do you think they still find you sexy? It was a great discussion filled with timely, important stuff! If you need to spice things up, be sure to give it a listen.

What did you think about the topic this week? Did we cover everything that was worth discussing? Were there some other ways to stay sexy, even after things start to droop or wrinkle or…well, you know how it goes. We would love to hear from you. Write in or reply to this posting.

Continue to Surprise Sh!t

It’s Marko! Subbing in for Tony on this week’s Relationsh@ blog post.

When I started putting this episode together, it was difficult to find articles that truly mirrored or challenged my thoughts on continuing to surprise a long-term partner, and I didn’t feel like any of them gave me tools to use for my own relationship. At the end of three different articles, I didn’t feel like I wanted to implement any of the ideas or exercises laid out by the authors. So why not write my own article? It can’t be that hard … can it?

So, below are the nine surprises you can do with your partner to help make your long-term relationship feel new and fresh. Try them out and let us know if you yield anything worth talking about in an upcoming episode.

If you want to surprise your partner:

Continue to date one another …

Remember those butterflies when asking your partner out on a date? The optimism you felt while getting ready for the date? Bring that energy back to your relationship!

Pick an activity or an outing where you two date each other all over again. Take the date outside of the home and into the world and learn to fall in love all over again - bring that new relationship energy back to the surface. You’ll be surprised at how much you’re willing to throw back into the relationship when you revisit your old feelings about one another.

Continue to talk (small and large conversations) …

A simple “Good morning” text … a long conversation about life goals - never underestimate the power of actually talking to your partner. If you’ve been in a relationship long enough, you and your partner’s life views should shift and grow as you both shift and grow, and the only way you’ll get to know who your partner is (now) is if you talk to them. Do yourself a favor and make sure you’re not getting to know them for the first time after ten years together. You’ll be surprised how much they and your relationship can change if you’re not talking to one another with any kind of depth.

Take time apart …

A night out with friends, or a solo trip to visit family … these are great ways to press reset on the relationship energy and give you both the opportunity to miss one another. You’ll be surprised how eager you’ll be to get back to one another.

Touch …

 … or hump! But make sure your bodies interact with one another in some kind of way. Touching: hand holding, kissing, cuddling, having sex, tickling one another … you’ll be surprised what feelings about your partner will come up from a little bit of physical connection, so give your relationship just a touch of physical touch [wink].

Check-In …

Asking your partner “how are you feeling/doing overall?” goes a long way. Sometimes your partner doesn’t always have the language or even the opening to talk about what’s going on with them or how they feel. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn by giving them an invitation to do so. Just listen and ask how you can help them with any negative or bad feelings - you’ll be glad you did.

Actually surprise one another …

A bouquet of flowers. A weekend getaway. Tickets to a Broadway show. A couples’ massage! Find ways to actually surprise one another. Don’t tell your partner where you’re going or what you’re doing (but if you’re like me, tell me what I need to wear and what time I need to be ready by) and surprise your partner with something they’ve talked about, wanted to see, or a way to help them relax. You’ll be surprised how thankful they’ll be knowing you listened to them or paid attention to their words.

Celebrate the small things

Life is hard - and it only gets harder as you get older. Sometimes, waking up and getting out of bed enough for a celebration. Help your partner celebrate the little things as it makes them feel seen and like they have a cheerleader in you. You’ll be surprised how confident or self-assured they’ll become when they know they’ve got someone that supports them.

Ask questions

Read articles, listen to podcasts, and watch the news to find out about things going on around you and ask your partner their thoughts on those topics. Get to know who they are and how their brain works. Some things may shock you - others may confirm your thoughts on them, but all answers are valid in understanding who your partner is. By asking a simple question, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn about the person you love.

Never take each other for granted

Time goes by so quickly and life doesn’t stop life-ing. You turn around and you’ve been together for over a decade and your routines are so ingrained in the relationship, you don’t even see one another anymore. But anything can happen and your comfort and relationship can vanish in the blink of an eye - so don’t take each other for granted. Learn to accept one another for who you are, love each other with every fiber of your being, and most importantly: surprise your routine with things you and your partner need to feel alive. But at the end of the day - never take your love for granted because even though the world needs more love, the one you do have with your partner is special and should be appreciated.

Flower & Gardener Sh!t

This week, we talked about the relationship concept where one person is the flower (is tended to) and one person is the gardener (does the tending). Marko and I both agreed that we often switch between these designations, each of us taking care of the other when needed. I personally love fulfilling both roles! I enjoy pampering and taking care of my partner: making sure they are comfortable, relaxed, and content. I also love being taken care of: bring me breakfast in bed and rub my shoulders any day!

What do you think about this concept? Even if you aren’t in a relationship right now, when you are, are you more often the flower or the gardener? Do you find yourself vacillating between the two? Have you ever had a relationship end because one (or both) of you wasn’t completing your responsibilities in one of these positions? We’d love to hear from you!

Abbott Elementary S1E11 Recap

This week, we talked about a very special episode of Abbott Elementary. In this episode, we get to meet Jacob’s boyfriend. It is a truly special episode, showcasing a very non-traditional relationship. Both guys are huge nerds and are not what we are used to seeing when we review gay representation. We love these two and are so happy to have them in the mix!

Are you a fan of the show? Did you watch the episode? If you did, what do you think? Marko and I love seeing a variety of queer people and were happy that this couple doesn’t look like any we’ve seen before. We would love to hear your thoughts!

DINK Sh!t

This week, we talked about having an income of two and whether that should support more than just two. As a Dual Income, No Kids household, Marko and I have a blessing’s worth of choices. Our cupboards are always stocked, we don’t have to cook if we don’t want to, we can go to the movies whenever we feel like it, and we don’t have to pay for little humans’ clothes if we don’t wanna!

What do you think about a dual-income home? Should we be saving to buy a house? Should we instead see every Broadway play? Do we need a tax-shelter college fund for our theoretical children? Join us as we tackle the topic once more, with fresh eyes and a new perspective. Where do you reside: to kid or not to kid? Let us know!

Opinion Sh!t

This week, we talked about a few methods for approaching a difference in opinion in your relationship. To clarify, this episode was about having a different opinion on the little things, not something big like your value system. Marko read an article that outlined a few very concrete steps. As usual, I found a nugget or two in there and I’m hopeful that you will as well!

Do you take the time to listen to your partner or are you just waiting for your turn to talk? So many of us are guilty of that…pretty sure I did it at least five times today! I think for me that’s the simplest of the suggestions but also the most challenging. I’m always so eager to make sure that my voice gets heard that I don’t stop to try and understand what Marko is saying. Things sure would be a lot easier if I didn’t do that. Here’s hoping I get better at during the break. See you in a couple of months!

Ogling Sh!t

This week, we talked about whether it is acceptable to look at other people that you may be attracted to when you are in a committed relationship. Spoiler alert: we think that it totally is! The surprise though: this is a new development for the Critellis. As you may have heard, I put all guys into two buckets: my husband and everybody else. As I also may have heard, I’m a little bit of the jealous type. Just a little, though ;)

I honestly can’t say why the winds have changed. But they absolutely have. While in Paris, Marko and I heard about a gay bar with a special feature—a man showering who would either be in underwear or nude. We both decided that it might be fun to go there. We didn’t end up visiting but it sparked a conversation. Have you ever had a similar conversation with someone you were dating? What did you decide? Have you ever changed your mind? We’d love to hear from you on this!

Feeling Sexy Sh!t

This week, we talked about the importance of continuing to feel sexy throughout a relationship. While we, admittedly, spent a bit too much time on our own issues (sorry about that!), the topic is still one of great importance. What do you need to feel sexy, not just at the beginning of a relationship when you are showcasing all your best moves, but as time progresses and the flame could dwindle?

I could go on and on about how sexy my husband is. For me, the fires never burned out. Heck, they didn’t even lessen one bit. I find my husband to be incredibly hot and I could do him every day if he’d let me ;) I constantly am attracted to and sexually charged by Marko. There is literally nothing that he has to do to continue to be sexy in my eyes. Our ever-growing relationship fuels my attraction to him and even as we both age I do not feel any less desire for him. What about our listeners who have been in long-term relationships: do you have to work at the attraction or do the fires burn ceaselessly? We’d love to hear from you!

Schitt's Creek S5E11 Recap Sh!t

This week, we talked about a very special episode of Schitt’s Creek. The relationship of two queer characters, David and Patrick, is not only central to the story but a phenomenal talking point that is part of a larger discussion and important narrative going on right now. The telling of the story of these two is realistic, modern, and inspiring without being cliche.

Did you watch the episode? Are you a fan of the show? What do you think about the episode? Patrick coming out to his parents reminds us of a very important milestone that each of us remembers uniquely. Perhaps you never got to come out to yours. Maybe you chose not to do so. What is your story? We would love to hear from you.

Relocating Sh!t

This week, we talked about relocating. Would you ever move for a significant other? Before you do, what do you think of the questions we posed? If you have moved for someone, how did that turn out? Did you decide to have one big conversation beforehand or was it a series of talks?

Looking back, Marko and I could have had more conversations on the topic. I don’t regret our choices in any way but I do think that more discussion, more preparation, could have been genuinely helpful. I for one did not know of many of the things that we could have explored together. Were there any questions that really resonated with you? Did you try any of them out? Please tell us how it went. We would love to hear from you!

Worth Sh!t

This week, we talked about worth. Your own self-worth. Your worth in a relationship. The worth of the relationship itself. Have you ever done this type of work before? I did way back in elementary school after my parents announced their divorce. It was required at the time (or at least I think it was; who knows, I was very young). I remember it being very weird.

I don’t think I’ve revisited this topic since then. Looking back, I don’t remember doing this kind of work for at least a while. It wasn’t terribly uncomfortable but I wasn’t super skilled at it: how about you? What did you experience, listeners? We would love to hear from you and share in this discussion. Please call, write in, or voice record a message to us!

Cuddling Sh!t

This week, we talked about cuddling. Do we really have to discuss this at all? How is relishing in cuddling anything other than exactly what we should all do every Saturday morning for as many hours as we possibly can? Am I still alone in believing that snuggles are the absolute best part of a relationship? To me, there is nothing better than holding each other and laughing, then falling asleep again, kissing when you wake up, and doing it all over again.

We talked about a bunch of different cuddling positions on Patreon. Did you get to hear the segment? Did you know all of those options? I certainly didn’t and I’m excited to try some of them out. What do you all like to do when it comes to cuddling? Did we miss any choices that we should really try? Write in and let us know: you know I’m down for trying new things!

Nit Picking Sh!t

This week, we talked about nit-picking and what it can do to your relationship. We are all guilty of not letting things go from time to time but when do you cross the line from a casual remark to a pattern of negativity? Everyone has something or a group of somethings that are “a button” for them: shoes left in the hallway, socks on the floor, bad breath. We all have something that we can’t stand and sometimes we let our partners know in a less than supportive way.

What I find most interesting is not when a partner pushes one of our buttons—it is when a partner discovers (or installs) a new button in us! For example, when you are dating someone and have never had an issue with the way a boyfriend eats but suddenly you cannot help but point out the volume with which your man chews? Or how about when you meet a new girl and adore her but all of a sudden you discover she replaces the toilet paper on backward? Oh, how do we live with all these atrocities?

Lube Sh!t

This week, we talked about the beauty and majesty that is lube. Is there anything that humanity has achieved that is more deserving of praise than lubricants? I know we have accomplished a lot as a people: plumbing, sanitation, art, philosophy…but what can truly compare to the incredible accomplishment that is lube? It is a tribute to science and everything we are capable of overcoming as a species. I know, I know: I jest ;)

Really, though: what else is there left to celebrate? You’ve got water-based, silicone-based, oil-based…the list goes on and on. Here’s to the ingenity of humanity. God bless us, everyone! Is there nothing that humanity cannot overcome? Lube has me dancing in the streets…well, the sheets, at least ;)

Anti-LGBTQ BillSh!t

This week, we talked about the current state of the state, which is decidedly anti-queer. From the loud hate rhetoric to the bills against drag queens and trans people, this country is struggling against a very conservative voice that is seeking to exclude so many of us. It is a truly challenging time to be anything but a cisgender, white man in this country. I can honestly say that I have never been more embarrassed to be an American.

While I am decidedly left and quite liberal, I’m okay with others who do not think, approach, or feel the same way that I do. What I do not now and will never understand is being exclusionary to an entire group of people, categorically. How do you fix your mind to do that? It baffles me. To my queer community out there who is hurting right now, I am so sorry for what the political conversation and landscape look like right now. All I can do is hold hope with you, that things might improve and we all learn from this. May we never hold this space again.

Kiddos Sh!t

This week, we talked about kiddos…yes, kids. Once again ;) It is a topic that deserves to be revisited, at least for us. We still circle around this issue pretty regularly, as you know. I must admit that I envy people who know assuredly that they want children. Heck, I admire those who know that they certainly do not. Marko and I have been playing paternity ping pong for over a decade.

I liked the discussion this go round quite a bit. I liked the statistics that we shared and how queer people are more likely to adopt, particularly to adopt those who are most difficult to place. It is nice to be on the positive end of the conversation for once, right? We so rarely get to champion a cause and (quite frankly) do better than the straights. I’m not here to persuade you one way or the other on the subject of adoption or having children. I do know that I look forward to sharing one (or a few) with my husband, someday soon.

Snoring Sh!t

This week, we talked about partners who snore and how to deal with them. What a universal experience and a really shitty thing to have to deal with, right? My poor husband used to find my light snoring a comfort but as I continue to age and my heavy breathing saws more logs, he’s been more and more affected by my nocturnal noise-making. We discussed how to share the ability to respond to situations like this during the discussion.

What do you do to temper the tempest of your mate’s nostrils? Have you found something affective that we didn’t share? Have you ever broken up with someone because they snored too loudly for you? Are you in a relationship that is together all hours but in the evening because you can’t sleep in the same bed as your loved one? Write in and let us know: we’d love to hear from you!

Hot & Cold Sh!t

This week, we talked about the difference in temperatures between partners and how this can be beneficial or catastrophic. Okay, maybe not catastrophic…but who doesn’t want to kick their partner out of bed when they jab you with their icy feet, seeking warmth and propagating chaos in what was an already pleasant space?

One thing that I found very interesting about this conversation was the idea that two warm-running people could be together. What would that be like? Moreover, can two cold people be with one another? If they can, how does that work? Are they perpetually freezing and turning on the heat and fighting for blankets and such? Sounds like Hell to me—Dante’s Inferno type of icy Hell but damnation to be sure! I myself am grateful for our hold and cold partnership but what do you all think?

Staying Attractive Sh!t

This week, we talked about the importance of staying attractive for and to your partner. This conversation was very focused on the physical aspect of attraction but also included a deep nod to all the other ways that you can stay or reinvigorate attractive qualities other than your appearance. We hope that you enjoyed the (sometimes controversial) topic.

Staying physically attractive to your partner is not easy. You have to make good decisions about your diet, exercise for a little while regularly, groom yourself routinely…wait, none of that sounds actually that difficult! Is it truly too much to take care of yourself? Is maintaining health really such a challenge? Do we not deserve to be somewhat fit and pleasing to our partner? Does it lead to terrible outcomes? No? Okay, well then why shouldn’t we do it? Let us know what you think about this.