Continue to Surprise Sh!t
It’s Marko! Subbing in for Tony on this week’s Relationsh@ blog post.
When I started putting this episode together, it was difficult to find articles that truly mirrored or challenged my thoughts on continuing to surprise a long-term partner, and I didn’t feel like any of them gave me tools to use for my own relationship. At the end of three different articles, I didn’t feel like I wanted to implement any of the ideas or exercises laid out by the authors. So why not write my own article? It can’t be that hard … can it?
So, below are the nine surprises you can do with your partner to help make your long-term relationship feel new and fresh. Try them out and let us know if you yield anything worth talking about in an upcoming episode.
If you want to surprise your partner:
Continue to date one another …
Remember those butterflies when asking your partner out on a date? The optimism you felt while getting ready for the date? Bring that energy back to your relationship!
Pick an activity or an outing where you two date each other all over again. Take the date outside of the home and into the world and learn to fall in love all over again - bring that new relationship energy back to the surface. You’ll be surprised at how much you’re willing to throw back into the relationship when you revisit your old feelings about one another.
Continue to talk (small and large conversations) …
A simple “Good morning” text … a long conversation about life goals - never underestimate the power of actually talking to your partner. If you’ve been in a relationship long enough, you and your partner’s life views should shift and grow as you both shift and grow, and the only way you’ll get to know who your partner is (now) is if you talk to them. Do yourself a favor and make sure you’re not getting to know them for the first time after ten years together. You’ll be surprised how much they and your relationship can change if you’re not talking to one another with any kind of depth.
Take time apart …
A night out with friends, or a solo trip to visit family … these are great ways to press reset on the relationship energy and give you both the opportunity to miss one another. You’ll be surprised how eager you’ll be to get back to one another.
Touch …
… or hump! But make sure your bodies interact with one another in some kind of way. Touching: hand holding, kissing, cuddling, having sex, tickling one another … you’ll be surprised what feelings about your partner will come up from a little bit of physical connection, so give your relationship just a touch of physical touch [wink].
Check-In …
Asking your partner “how are you feeling/doing overall?” goes a long way. Sometimes your partner doesn’t always have the language or even the opening to talk about what’s going on with them or how they feel. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn by giving them an invitation to do so. Just listen and ask how you can help them with any negative or bad feelings - you’ll be glad you did.
Actually surprise one another …
A bouquet of flowers. A weekend getaway. Tickets to a Broadway show. A couples’ massage! Find ways to actually surprise one another. Don’t tell your partner where you’re going or what you’re doing (but if you’re like me, tell me what I need to wear and what time I need to be ready by) and surprise your partner with something they’ve talked about, wanted to see, or a way to help them relax. You’ll be surprised how thankful they’ll be knowing you listened to them or paid attention to their words.
Celebrate the small things
Life is hard - and it only gets harder as you get older. Sometimes, waking up and getting out of bed enough for a celebration. Help your partner celebrate the little things as it makes them feel seen and like they have a cheerleader in you. You’ll be surprised how confident or self-assured they’ll become when they know they’ve got someone that supports them.
Ask questions
Read articles, listen to podcasts, and watch the news to find out about things going on around you and ask your partner their thoughts on those topics. Get to know who they are and how their brain works. Some things may shock you - others may confirm your thoughts on them, but all answers are valid in understanding who your partner is. By asking a simple question, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn about the person you love.
Never take each other for granted
Time goes by so quickly and life doesn’t stop life-ing. You turn around and you’ve been together for over a decade and your routines are so ingrained in the relationship, you don’t even see one another anymore. But anything can happen and your comfort and relationship can vanish in the blink of an eye - so don’t take each other for granted. Learn to accept one another for who you are, love each other with every fiber of your being, and most importantly: surprise your routine with things you and your partner need to feel alive. But at the end of the day - never take your love for granted because even though the world needs more love, the one you do have with your partner is special and should be appreciated.